Episode 4 - Calling of the Tribe.

This episode is deeply connected to my heart and my journey. From hiding in the shadows comes, for a moment, part of the old natural power, but not full. The life journey is about the calling of the Tribe. The question is who calls you, and can you hear it? And who are you calling? I have met a part of those who have called me. Tribe knows who belongs to them, but journeys to it can be very hard. It is a journey of service, but there can be a mess around. It is up to an individual to reach the purest, highest level. Let´s immerse ourselves in the world of nature. There are answers and hidden stories and pieces of puzzles that need to be completed, but no one said it would be easy. I will talk about my natural friends who gave me their love and protection, but maybe they have a good reason for it. It is the episode where I have more questions now. I opened up the chapter, and I sense I did not read the whole of it because something more is written there, but it stays covered by fog.

Can I read it? But I understand I still call part of my Pack. Who is that? I do not know yet.

To unlock and understand some of the main points of this episode, here are the keys:

1. For this episode, I decide that the key can be only YOU.

I would be happy if you joined me.

Thank you.

Red Fox

The full transcription is below, and the audio version will be added today.

Hey guys,

It has been a while, but I am finally back with a very special episode. I will be cruelly direct. There is no other way how I can make it than just put on the table a clear message.

I am not saying it will be for everyone, but I stand for its purity. That is my thing.

The core of the message is a connection to nature, with giving it the respect and the gratefulness.

My connection to the nature is framed by the hard moments and specific situations since I have been a child, and by my love for nature. The whole mix has triggered something like a deeper skills through its process, but I would say, the better description of that, is, the nature let me see, hear and sense things, signals, informations, pictures in time when I need it to know. It is not my skill as it is about my connection to nature and mutual love.

Kind of sharing informations with nature is the best desrcription.

It can be hard to accept, understand, or even imagine it could be possible what I will talk about, but I think, I am not the only one who got some specific experience. It is a life and it is nature. Sometimes full of surprise.

I am gonna talk about how cats have come into my life to save me. How my little brother, German Shepherd, warned me in a security issue although he was already dead etc.

My small advice is to take just what you can absorb. That´s all. No worries.

As usually, I can only recommend you to open up yourself and be an attentive observer with pure intention to see through. It works here, it works in real life, and in danger, too.

Well.

Where I should start?

I mentioned my connection to nature in previous episodes.

Nature is my home, and I also provide a home for myself inside of me and through my body too. It is macro and micro world together in mutual connections.

Nature have played tremendous role in my life. I can only have a huge gratefulness for that, and for what nature provides me but there is no easy way.

Nothing is for free.

I wish to express my connection to nature by telling my experience.

I do not need to be followed or approved.

It is my journey not yours, and your journey is not mine.

We do not need to be the same but what would be nice is if we can develope ourselves in good meaning of word HUMAN.

So In this episode, I will talk mostly about my animal friends. The way how my life and nature are constantly learning me to be present, and to develop offensive and deffesinve skills will by talked more in different time.

This episode belongs to my heart deeply cause I want to express my love and devotion to my animal tribe, if I can call them my tribe. I am careful about that, but what may I say is, they have come into my life to save me in a very dark time when noone did like that through my whole life. And it has changed a lot of things inside of me.

I can not emphasize enough how this was crucial to me, to my soul and my journey.

Then how can I forget it? It is just impossible. They immersed deeply into my soul and my life.

I was thinkging and processing a lot if I should talk about my animal friends and some things around because the best protection of my brothers and sisters is usually to let them stay hided in the shadows.

No talking about them, no attention.

Nothing. Just deep inner love and connection.

Actually it works for all this project. On One side I wish to stay totally quiet, never share information about me, my life, any my experience or access to skills , anything but on other side I percieve somehow I have to go through that. So There is just a tight line, and I really percieve both sides and many connected aspects which I need to balance and understand it better and better to stay on the right track.

I am doing this exactly on the border of myself when I sense mostly the negative aspects of such activity.

But when I look at the logo of my project I can not stop. It represents my cats and the old power in nature.

So no matter of negative aspects and experience around I have to continue.

For now. Let´s immerse into the world of nature.

Since I was a child, I have got from time to time specific experience with animals. I remember when I was young, for sure under 10 years old, and I was in a zoo with my mother. I was staying just by myself and watched an enclosure of antelopes or gazelles. I do not know exactly what kind of species they were, but I remember how I started to concentrate myself or my power inside of my head to affect them. I didn´t know what I wanted to do, just knowing I wanted to affect them. I was in a strange way concentrated in my head, and I did it totally spontaneously.

What happened then?

After shorter time like several minutes, when I was doing it, I saw how every animal from every part of that bigger enclosure was coming to me, and they were standing next to each other in one row in front of me. All of them. Every individual came.

I got a fear. I didn´t know what was going on. I was afraid they wanted to attack me. All of them were looking at me. There was nothing like a strong fence, just a deep ditch and horizontal piece of wood around.

The funny thing was that my mother saw the whole situation from a distance, and when she saw how all animals was coming to me, she started to be worried. She ran for me and I perceived how she took my hand forcefully a bit and took me away.

I was confused at that moment. I didn´t know what was going on, and my mother didn't either.

But she never forget that.

I really wanted to understand animals, but trees and plants too. I am in crazy deep love with them.

I am trying to help trees and plants wherever I am, no matter if the plant is just about 5 cm tall. I perceive respect and love for them. I am here for them no matter if a plant, tree, or animal got in trouble or they have not a good time.

No problem to touch them, to try to find a way to support them physically if they get injured or get sick. As I said earlier in another episode, when my childhood was in a darkness, I ran away to a park, and I hugged there my first trees, saying hello, my brothers, how are you doing. Desperate but somehow deep, and crazy. By time I have started to percieve how the nature senses me, and reacts on me and my presence.

I got a deep respect for their power and fragility and their beauty of course. Many times when I meet these natural warriors, I put my head down to show them my respect for how little plant is trying to survive in a damn tough environment. I just put my head down, and sometimes I even go on my knee like when I ask a forest to be protected in etc.

I have some funny stories when strangers got involved, but maybe later.

We usually do like to respect someone who is the most visible, has a high position, etc, but sometimes the hardest warriors are the smallest ones. It works generally.

I wanted to talk the language of nature, as later I wanted to read a human, its structure, abilities, weaknesses, intentions, mission, life journey, or whatever I should know, no matter how skilled, dangerous, powerful, or pathological a person I have to face.

It goes gradually but deeply and can be very impulsive as well as calm.

The same works for groups, but everything takes time in own way.

In High school, when we were with my class in the woods, we heard a voice of some bird of prey. I responded to it in a similar way, at least I tried, and some schoolmates were talking among themselves, omg there are two ones, and then they realized it was me, and they started laughing.

Some months ago, when I was in a forest. I heard a bird of prey, and I called it back. How I was surprised when it was flying back above me to watch me carefully for a moment among trees. I saw the face of the bird of prey. It was Just Amazing for me and rare.

I know it is nothing, but I love such small things. Actually, the small things help you integrate a lot of good things into your being without much notice.

Spontaneously, I am also trying to understand the whole comunication and connection of animals or plants, the whole of nature.

Actually, it is better to say decoding a message within communication, which can be realised through many ways as through signals.

I got a specific experience with a cougar a long time ago. My friend was working as a zoologist in a smaller zoo. Honestly, I am far from being a fan of zoos or similar facilities for concrete reasons. I think ethical parks or sanctuaries are rare. I mean places where they let animals be more who they really are, and who they need to become to experience themselves in natural way. It is really far from paying off clients to cuddle animals like tigers or even hunt lions at the farm. If I place a leopard in a small enclosure and let it be reachable by hundreds or thousands people per a day, what may I expect? And what am I really doing?

But I do not want to leave animals, no matter where they are placed.

So, years ago, I visited my friend at his workplace, smaller zoo. I looked at the animals how they were doing, and I saw an enclosure where bears were placed together with wolves. No kidding.

What may I say? Low responsibility and knowledge of owner.

In the evening, when nobody was around, I was a stupid, and I wanted to check the reaction of lions. I covered myself in a high grass, and I was groveling from a distance of maybe 30 meters towards them. Lioness looked at my direction, and she was like What are you thinking litlle girl you are doing, it is just boring. But in a short time, the lion got active, started to run along one side of his enclosure, and made a vocal warning. But I was not the target.

Someone else found my behavior interesting but not lions, it was a very secretive, shy cougar that arose from the shadows of its enclosure. I was still groveling, and the cougar was carefully observing me with deep full focus on what I was doing and did the similar way of approaching to me but not pure groveling. It was like Cougar went naturally in-game with me and became super curious what this is.

We were deeply concentrated on each other, stared to eyes of each other, movements, body languange, everything got in. Cougar didn´t want to do anything else or look at somewhere else, but there was a zero mark of coming attack or any aggressivity. Cougar was very calm.

It looked like more as a deep curiosity but with cats you never know, they can always surprise you:-) and change the game in a second.

No guarantee.

We were slowly coming to each other, I was still groveling. We ended up lying in the front of each other, and I saw through just some grass and easy fence the beatiful calm eyes of cougar, so big and brown just a few of tens centimeters far. I didn´t see in cougar any aggresivity or pure hunting mode. The moment when we looked at to the eyes of each other was so long and beatiful.

I didnt understand anything at that moment.

For me, it was like a strange picture from fairy tail when animal and human are curious about each other and deeply observe each other.

I remember, in that moment I had just a stupid smile cause I really didn´t know anything what was going on. Probably, I was looking like a good idiot or a good prey.

For the whole time my friend zoologist was around, staying on some distance far because he got a call, but he paid attention to it, and he told me later that he had not seen anything like that in his all life. And He added the point I should do something about that, like study animals or something. He meant professionally.

But I would never expect cats will go for me to save me as no-one did before, when my life had turned into hell for such long .

Funny is, I was a deeper lover of dogs not cats.

But who goes for you to hell has a good love for you or good reason for it, or even not knowing why.

I didn´t experience that for my whole life.

Totally a new thing.

Well.

Now it is a time to talk a bit about my tribe.

I mentioned in previous episodes how, during my really hard time when I seriously prayed to die, I had something as a dream when I saw a panther who wore my lifeless body on his back. And I heard in my head something like I am not doing this often.

Panther came to my dreams several times in years, always when things in real life went very hard for me. It was very connected to my health but my health was just part of the hard stuff.

And a few times, I saw a panther energetically. I have to say that I have seen some energetic stuff since I have been a child, but it is not dominant aspect of my perception.

When I was fighting for years for more effective treatment that should be a totally basic approach in my eyes, I came to a hospital for a medical check-up. I sat down in a waiting room, and from nothing I saw panther energetically how he was going from my position through all the big hall to another hall, the narrow one, with many rooms on sides, like I saw through the walls, and he stopped and sat in front of one medical room.

Then I was called in, and for the first time, they sent me to the IV therapy, even though they said we do not want to do it, but we will do it. As well, I got a good recommendation from a professor.

It was a very specific experience for me.

I may say the presence of a panther in my life, in a very fragile way, started to protect me. I was never protected as I wanted to be since I was a child, and something that wants to protect me by itself, not under my pressure, and stays behind me is very touching, plus releasing my deep pain naturally.

After some time of the presence of this animal in my life, I have got another power to keep going, even though it was just fighting to survive.

The situation was not easier, but I got a new source of pure inner power.

Time later, I have met my love. Leopard. I mean a real animal that was placed in some facility.

Damn.

I fell in love.

Crazily and heavily but I didn´t realise that at the beginning.

But how has this started? He attacked me over the glass window of his enclosure.

Well. It reminds me a moment when I met a partner who I was with a long time ago. I met him in a hospital where I ended up after a bike accident. My head had a little problem. I mean a new one so then 2 meters tall black man had better access to it. He was a thinker, and I liked it.

When I met another person, my back got blocked, and I couldn’t move and escape that man. I want to say that sometimes something needs to be able to go through barriers to hit the right point naturally. It could have many looks.

But back to my leopard.

I was coming to an enclosure, and there was a strong, mature male of leopard. I really perceived how he is a big and powerful. I made a mistake, and I came closer to the glass window. Meanwhile, he was sitting exactly by the glass in front of me, and he jumped up, showing me his anger. I was surprised cause I was calm, but after his jumping, I put my hands up to show him how big I am too, and he observed it. Then he jumped again, and I got a fear. I was just running away and withing running I looked back and I saw him, how he was looking at me, and his face said like come on my dinner, I was just joking, just go back, please. Let´s have some fun.

But I didn´t go back. The little girl inside of me was still escaping. I didn´t know at that time this opened up the chapter of my deep thing and my connection for my whole life.

I didn´t know what exactly brought me back to him for the next time, but I felt like a prisoner in my body, and I knew he was in total prison in his small enclosure. He felt the same as I did.

Plus, this boy is little crazy and I am the same.

I understood all that fully later.

I came back to him.

Again and again.

I was able to stay in one spot for hours, in winter, in summer, when I had a peripheral catheter for IV treatment like now, etc.

I was learning to be patient.

And I never went closer to the glass window again until one situation arose. It was, when I tried to protect him from visitors.

Every time I was meters away from his enclosure to give him a bigger place, not touching the border of his damn small territory.

Even keepers called him aggressive in front of me, but he wasn´t that in the core meaning of that word. He was super frustrated, and he had to protect the small cave that he got because it was all he had. To have own territory is for such animals a question of life or death. And instead of giving him respect and calm behavior from visitors, he was teased all the time, every day. At the top of his enclosure, I saw stones, no option for him to run away. Just fighting remains. I think he was able to make one big jump over the bigger size of all his small enclosure. He got very strong soul, this boy.

What happened by the time of being with him.

He was coming to be closer to me, sleeping and playing in front of me. Sometimes we were sleeping in front of each other together.

We found peace together, even if we were in pain.

That sentence speaks for itself. Because it is very hard to find this with a human for me.

His different behavior was visible to an employee. That person didn´t know me, but addressed me with a thing that leopard has a very different approach towards me than to the others, including keepers.

And added maybe if you come more and more to see him, he would be in better condition.

By the time our connection went deeper. Really deeper.

I perceived his pain no matter where I was. I sensed his presence even though I was still more than a hundred meters far from him, not seeing him, and I sensed we both perceived the presence of each other on distance. WE GOT CONNECTED SOMEHOW, in my eyes.

There were more strange things, but I want to keep something just between me and my friend.

Once time, when the leopard was in front of the glass window and observed me, I looked at something around, I forgot what it was exactly, but when we found eyes of each other, we had the same thought about the same thing around. It was like He caught my thought, and he had the same one, and we both knew it at that moment.

That was crazy.

Very similar reading of environment.

He is the top reader of any environment.

I was learning when he let me know I should go home or let him be alone.

Well, I will say now something super crazy. But nobody will believe it so it doesn´t matter.

Sometimes it was a bit like we were communicating in our heads or souls together. I do not know. Maybe I am wrong but once it was like he was telling me. I mean I got information into my head. I hope you know I am not a substitute of man in your life. I put my head down, and I said in my head. I know. Damn leopard he hit the right point. Or whatever it was. Good hit, I felt so embarrassed.

How crazy am I? A lot.

Once time when some people made him totally insane, and they were laughing about that, they wanted to evoke even stronger reactions, and I was asking them to stop it.

Nobody listened to it.

There was a crowd of like 20 people, and the leopard became really aggressive in protecting himself. I decided to go towards the glass window of his enclosure to push people far from his territory and far from him. Someone from the crowd told me he will attack you, too; he doesn´t care.

I said in my head to my friend Leopard, boy, if you are gonna attack me right now, it will not be helpful for us.

I came tightly to the glass window, he saw me, and he immediately stopped attacking and jumping on the glass window, he put his ears down, and he disappeared fastly. Even I turned towards him by my back what is very specific, cause it could be very inviting for him to try to attack someone from the back. I opened up my arms widely, and I went further from the glass to push people to get out and further from the enclosure of my friend.

I protected my boy physically.

I noticed something within this situation.

Someone became very curious about what was going on. It was A cheetah from the opposite enclosure that carefully came closer to watch what was going on. I bet a cheetah could understand it well.

A woman came to me, after the crowd of people was dispersed and she asked me one question.

Are you the mother of the leopard?

I showed acid face, and I said, obviously, I am not his mother.

And she answered, No, no, I mean you protect him as you are his mother.

I stayed silent, and somehow I was calming down.

Something funny was when my friend was sitting next to the glass, and between us was just a fence. He sat on his back legs, and he put his chest and front legs up. He was looking like an observing meerkat, but after he caught by one front limb the fence and shook it, and still kept it. He looked up at the top of his enclosure to see how the fence was moving. I knew he was calculating if there was any chance of how he could overcome the barrier to get out of his cave towards me.

We were there alone.

I was surprised.

I do not know if he would like to lick me or to kill me.

No guarantee.

But what I know I love.

Heavily.

I love this hard animal, his soul and heart and his craziness.

I love him all and I see his pain.

I should mention that leopards are very specific creatures.

They are getting used to operate an area where they are not dominating, where grouped animals like lions, hyenas, or stronger individuals tigers are the first.

Their abilities to hunt, to read, and to calculate every environment are crazily effective, pure and raw.

Cubs of leopards know they should be quiet, not call for their mum, especially when someone else is around. It is not typical even for cubs of big wild cats.

Mother can cover the footprints of her cubs.

And leopards can live close to human habitat.

I would say leopards can read humans better than humans usually can understand them.

They are known for their very specific character, full of surprise.

But for me, it is somehow like they talk the same language as I do.

I have found peace with these cats, no matter in which pain we are in.

It is a different peace.

Maybe it is just a deep love, but not free of pain, but you are with your tribe.

Actually, I do not know what is it, but I have found it only with them so far.

Maybe with them I am at home in my soul.

But there is one experience in my whole life when I felt as at home before cats were coming to my life.

It was far from ordinary and there was a long journey before but It is nothing new in my case.

With these cats, all my being is important to get in, my softness as my sharp senses, to get along with them.

They want it all, and I need it all to understand and not make a stupid mistake.

Whenever I am with my friend and I have to leave him, I am deeply broken.

He was moved to a different state, I could not visit him for more than a year and some months.

Every day, my pain from separation got bigger.

I perceive when he is crying. I mean suffering a lot.

And when I finally saw him after a year and some months, I was shocked. I could not recognize him. He lost too many kilos. Too skinny, different body.

I saw animal who someone tried to break down totally in every aspect of his life. I could not believe it is him.

They didn´t give him his own enclosure; he shares an enclosure with an unfriendly, competitive leopard. The enclosure is somehow separated, and every day keepers choose which leopard will be visible to visitors, who is less crazy and destroyed.

Every day game about who will be where.

From the strong leopard, who had a hard time in the previous facility, but still stayed strong, they have made something that is far from being a leopard.

Through the first day, it took me some time to understand he remembered me. Maybe.

He was not able to leave his crazy over-stressing status in mind. It is just pure suffering where is no power for anything else. Just totally pure fighting to survive. In my perspective, I saw he would like to kill people around.

How should I appreciate such a lack of professional care of animals?

I had to pick up all my power to start fighting for him.

I could not make any episode when I was more and more separated from my cat friend.

Once time before seeing him again in a new facility, I said to myself in my head, so I will not visit him because it is just hard for me to do it.

Then I got a fast response from nature. Then, there will be no project. Nothing.

No comment is needed about that.

There were other reasons as my moving, kind of smelling around me, health things etc.

But the thing I am far too much from my leopard friend, who is suffering, didn´t let me continue.

I was losing my connection with my friend.

My friend didn´t need me to talk about him here.

My friend needed, and still needs, my fight for him.

And I could not talk about anything until I am with him again. I tried to overcome it, but it just caused more pain.

Sometimes your friend needs you as you need your friend. No matter how hard it is.

I wish the most I could get him out, take him to my arms, and bring him to his home.

That is what I really wish.

To bring my brother home.

It is only what I wish so hard that I would break a rock for it, but there is something harder to break, it is a human ego.

By the end of talking about him for now, I will share one very strange experience.

Once time after a day with him in a previous facility, when we were interacting for hours that day,

I woke up the next day.

I sat in my bed, and I strongly perceived that I had a leopard head or mask on my head. I sensed it so fully and hard, like it is firmly connected to me, so I started to move my head to shake it off, like What this is? I do not want it.

I have never experienced anything like that.

I do not know what it was.

To be honest, I do not care now so much. As I said.

I just wish to take him in my arms and bring him to his home. It is the only thing that makes sense to me, and would release my pressure and his pain.

It is only what I need to do, to save him and to protect his soul and his body.

Whenever I go further from cats and from a track to follow them, I get physical weakness, emotional weakness. I can not break it.

There is a love or something which I do not know.

For me, it was never good to follow a man.

Cats are like waiting for me when I will be physically ready to get a backpack and work for them and with them. But it is not only this mission that I have to do. The true is It will be a dangerous reward after hard stuff. Cats want me to follow them.

But I know there are more missions that I have to go through to reach this goal.

There are only two things that I am thinking about when I am free to think whatever: it is security and cats. All the time.

Both ways do not exist without each other.

I got the biggest gifts from nature in the security field. It is for me so smooth even through hard experience. I am just in.

It is how it is.

In my home, I have to have posters of cats everywhere. Having them on my chest. I need to be in touch with them until we are reunited again.

I am thinking about them so many times throughout my days and nights.

I should say that I have created some kind of friendship with more cats.

One of them was a half-wild black cat with green eyes. I met her when I was walking in the area of summer cottages. I was thinking she belonged to someone around, but by the time people informed me that some kind of wild cats just live around, and she was one of them. They are used to being fed by people there.

In some time, we started to walk together. Really. I called her in cat language, and trust me or not if she was there around even if I didn´t see her, and she didn´t see me when I called her in cat language, even on a distance of like 30-40 meters, just once, she came to cuddle, get over high fences and running for me.

I was so happy in such moments.

There were more cats, but I found such a kind of friendship only with her.

She didn´t leave her territory often and for long, but sometimes she accompanied me a bit further. I recorded a video of how she got crazy when I came, jumped on trees, wagging with her tail all the time. When we walked next to each other or behind. People sometimes laughed, like it was damn funny. Usually she wanted to be the ruler, and I let her go first. She just needed it.

I love it.

When I didn´t visit her for a time, and I came back, she was looking like a spirit without a body. When I moved to the mountains, she had completely disappeared, and probably she was killed, although I can not verify it so far for 100%.

If you think I forgot my friend. Just some cat. No. I have her photos in my bedroom, living room. And looking at her eyes every day when I am at home.

I never leave my friends. No death can stop it.

She was super soft and super attentive.

She was always running towards me.

We were just happy to see each other.

At the beginning of that, for maybe 5 months, I didn´t give her any food, but by the time as I said before I was informed about her situation, and when I found her more skinny, I helped her with food, too, but our connection was not based on bringing food for her.

But you know, if I brought her good meat, she was always happy about that. And she didn´t care about our love then.

Usually, animals showed me how they perceive my love and soft heart, but it is not such love to make them my pets, etc, it is a kind of love when I understand their nature. As I love humans I want to be them who they really are.

When I tried to take her into my hands, she let me softly know she prefers to be free.

They need to become who they are born to be.

I do not want to own them, I just love them.

Once time I was walking on a street and I saw a very beautiful like a housecat, and that cat was running towards me and she said hello to me and smelled me. I was so surprised by how she was different. It was a Bengal cat, and when she looked at me and came to me, I felt, no kidding, that I had met my sister. She was very smart, fragile and beautiful. Like she was coming to me from a different world, that we both know from our deep past. She reminded me something deep. Maybe Jungle.

Her attention to the environment was super high. She was very careful.

I really couldn´t sleep that night. The next day I wore sporty clothes with a leopard pattern to say hello to my sister cause I wanted to meet her again so much.

Once time with my leopard, I noticed how he checked out my animal pattern in my chemise. I was so surprised. He studied my pattern.

My boy.

I mentioned a cheetah before.

Well, once time when I was in that facility where my friend, leopard, was placed, I was there with someone else, we were by the cheetahs enclosure, there were two at that time, I think they were brothers.

I squatted; there were some people around.

In the enclosure There was a visible track of cheetahs, which avoided the glass window by several meters to not have closer interactions with visitors.

I saw a cheetah that was coming in our direction, and how he got out of that track, and he was looking at my eyes. I read the signal, I am your friend, and he made some movement in his face within that, and I did the same. Then he came directly to me, stopped for several seconds, he was looking into my eyes, and he said hello in his language.

All people around turned towards me like what it was? I didn´t care; I didn´t understand anything again. I was just lost. But my companion, who was several meters behind me, told them, It's nothing. The cheetah is just thinking she is one of them because of her curly red hair and animal jacket.

That cheetah was looking into my eyes, and I saw that we are friends. I have no explanations for it, but the following action supported it more than rejected it.

A similar thing happened when I was in a different facility, and I was passing wolves and looked at their enclosure.

One wolf that was just running around, but not by the fence, noticed me, and immediately changed its direction and ran towards me.

I didn´t know if it was male or female. It was so unexpected and fast.

The wolf came tightly on the fence, showing me its back, even its hairs went through the fence, and it was like the wolf said to me Cuddle me, as dogs sometimes can do it.

I didn´t touch the wolf. I was not ready, and I had too much respect to do it.

But the person next to me was not accepted by the wolf. The person wanted to tease and provoke this animal, which had separated from its pack for a moment, and then ran to be probably cuddled. When I said the person next to me, Be nice cause I saw the mind.

In seconds, the wolf ran away.

The wolves are super sensitive in mind, and big mind players in my eyes.

And now, in the last part of this episode, I should talk about my brothers, German Shepherds. Three of them accompanied me in my life closely. I never forget. One died as a cub.

I mentioned at the beginning of this episode how my little brother, a German Shepherd, warned me about a coming security issue when he was already dead.

Let me tell this story, please.

But before that, I have to say this.

My brother got seriously sick when I got seriously sick; he was living with my mother.

He had something like a tumour of heart size and shape, located in his throat. The vet said to me I have never ever seen anything like that before. It was on the border of being operable. At least, it was reason, what vet explained to me later but not clearly enough for me, why he didn't put drainage to suck up compounds around a wound because it was a huge, hard place and hard operation, so you really need to have drainage there to suck up blood, inflamation compounds, air, etc to let the operated site to heal well.

Well, my little brother stayed without it. So his operational wound has become bigger and bigger, it has swollen, and it created a press to stitches. It wasn´t a laparoscopy incision, it was the classic one, over his all throat vertically.

So a puncture needs to be provided.

I was very weak physically, so someone close to me took my little brother to the vet to get a puncture, but as I was told later, it was horrible. He wasn´t calm, plus it was not done well.

So it had to be repeated, and I had to go with him. Not easy for my little brother to let strangers do this in his throat, a totally sensitive place for animals and for humans too.

Well, I am with him at vet clinic, then I put him between my legs. I put his head up, and when the vet got closer, he started to let us know I am not happy for what is gonna happen. I don´t want vet to touch me there.

I understood, my brother started to protect himself a lot.

When he warned the vet from coming, I was speaking to him in a hard way, but not with bad emotions. It was like they were two German Shepherds. One crazy red who had a problem to walk even, and one dad who had damn hard life for his stupid red brother and difficult operation behind.

Just funny group.

Well, we talked a bit aggressively together for a few seconds. Just words, and power in.

Naturally, I understood that I need to break his mind; he was just in total fear. I didn´t want to break him, only his superprotective mind, instincts, and his fear.

At the moment, when I was toughly and a bit loudly speaking to him, we were looking to the eyes of each other.

Meanwhile, I was keeping his head up, something happened.

In one concrete moment, his pupils got totally wide in seconds, and it was like a deep tunnel connection between us; immediately, he released all his body tension and fear.

It was damn incredible. The vet came and, without any reaction from my brother, sucked up around a liter or more of fluids with many big injections.

The vet couldn't believe such a change and started to call him bad, good dog. Within that situation, I totally understood he had entrusted his life to my hands, and I got it.

I felt that responsibility inside of myself. There was a vet nurse, and she didn´t have a good approach to my animal friend. Like she put many times situation on the border for nothing, like she pressed the red line for the animal too many times. I didn´t know if it was her purpose, like trying to emphasize her position over the dog too much, or just not understanding the animal, but I saw it as a problem.

I addressed the doctor and her directly. I said to her, Please step back a bit because you just make it harder.

I knew I had to do the best for my brother. Not just let him give me the protection of his life to my hands, and then I will not care.

No. I have to see it through his eyes, too.

I had to give my brother every day injections for weeks. OMG when he saw me, he always looked to my hands what is there, and if I put injections and pills behind my back. Damn. He really knew problem was coming and he tried to escape.

My suffering sweetheart.

I saw his pain. He was around 15 years old at that time, not the young one. Unfortunately, puncture needed to be repeated. I was talking about him with my mother, she loved him a lot too. He was lying around, he was looking at me, and I just said Well, we have to do it here to minimize his stress.

He was really physically weak.

I was a bit surprised when I said it because he put his head down unnaturally. I said damn, it is like he agreed. Funny.

I made a deal with the vet. My mother just held my friend in position when I could do it.

What was a bit strange.

I was thinking a lot about which spot I should put a needle in to suck up all fluids as blood, etc. safely.

I didn´t do it before, but I understood, that I have to do it.

I chose the spot for a needle, and I tried to calm down my boy a bit, and at the moment when I picked up the spot for the needle, and I was so close to his skin, I saw something like a hand from the light, which was moving and showing me another place several cm far, and I just followed it.

I didn´t have time to think if I am coco like I got insane. I was not sure where the best spot was, so I followed the light. I didn´t think so much, just processed that.

We sucked up many big injections, and I just saw my boy how he was getting weaker and weaker with every sucking up. His body was heavier and heavier for him.

As I said, I gave him several injections per a day; he wanted to be invisible at that time so much, my little star.

To care about him totally saved me at the beginning of my diseases when I didn´t have any clue what was going on. The love for him saved me. But my little brother generally got worse over time, and they refused to take him to a vet clinic. It was a time to let him fall asleep. Plus, I couldn´t stay at that place where he was. Honestly, I was blaming myself for it. He had always beautiful eyes and, like a star above his forehead, shaped by the different colour of his hairs. Injections didn´t kill him easily.

What may I say?

When his body accepted the physical statue of death, his face was like in the middle of fighting. Even many hours later still very angry, fightfull expression, no relaxation of muscles in the face, no peace.

Something bad happened at that time. I didn´t want to say that, but I have to. I had an issue between me, and you know I have a problem saying father. He wanted to bury him close to a dump. Actually, he left us with my mum by the dump, close to it.

He just said I will not drive around to find a place for him for all day so in 10 minutes my dead brother, me and my mother left the car.

How it can be good to bury dog around a dump?

As I said before. I am a product of involuntary sex when my mother was crying and rejecting it. All my life, my father tried to break me down in hard way. I was fighting with my father many times since I have been a child.

He would do it all the time if I gave him a chance for it.

Back to my brother.

I tried to make a hole for my boy, but the ground was very firm, even by a road..I was weak, it was a damn stupid situation.

But I just couldn´t do this to my brother.

I knew I had to find another way.

I called someone who was hundreds of kilometers far. He understood the situation.

He came in several hours.

We took my animal brother to a forest when I found a specific place for him. I knew it there.

It was a totally magical place.

My friend made a big hole. We covered him with a green blanket. I put inside things that he loved the most and my best necklace.

Then something happened.

Even after the transport to the forest, his face still had a very fightfull expression.

When we finally were covering and putting him into the prepared hole, the blanket moved and revealed his face.

I could not believe. Now, just a short time later, it was a 100 percent different picture.

He was looking like a newborn cub. No kidding.

Now. I saw total love and peace in his face.

His face got completely changed, although, like half an hour before, he wasn´t like that.

I said, Look at this. What is that?

Well.

We moved him inside and finished the whole thing.

I stayed there alone when my friend was driving a car to get closer, and I got an impulse to turn back to the place where the body of my brother was resting.

I saw something as a cloud that was going up from the ground of exact place where the body of my friend was placed.

I have heard something. This is what I wished.

I am not kidding.

I will not make any comment on it.

There were more extraordinary situations with my brother, but maybe later.

I had to say this stuff to emphasize the connection between me and my brother.

Now I can mention what happened years after his death.

He got a special place next to my bed. I mean, his photo, his hairs. We were still like accompanying each other in our journeys, no matter where we are. Alive or dead.

Several years after his death, I had a relationship with someone who worked for the government of one of the hardest state in the world, no easy things behind through this connection in many ways.

For a bit of understanding, behind this connection, there were threatening, code communication, banning of any contact, and some risks around.

Just a damn good experience.

Once, when I visited him, I took with me a photo of my brother, it was a German Shepherd about whom I talked a moment ago.

It was more than 5 years after his death. I got used to looking into his eyes every day when I could.

This time I took him with me, a photo, and some other important natural spiritual stuff. I gave to it a special spot.

if I remember well, within the first day when I came to the place of my previous partner, I looked into the eyes of my little brother, and I saw something inside that I had never seen through the whole time, I mean for more than 5 years.

I saw inside of his eyes that something was wrong, very wrong. I was thinking firstly it is about him, and his soul. I know it sounds crazy, but I do not care.

In minutes, I understood somehow it is not about him as much as it is about me.

It was evening. My partner was already in bed. I came in. In a short time, my perception got crazy inside. More alerts. Damn danger around. Sometimes I am getting used to sensing something that is not visible yet for others, but for me already exists and it is readable, but has not reached its full potential.

I caught his skinny body, and I shook with him. Damn, I never do it before or after to anyone like this.

I woke him up and I told him something is really wrong.

He looked to me. Like he was thinking, she is just insane, I know it, but then he got focused because he knew a little part of something like my skills.

No matter that.

A short time later.

The alarm in the flat started to ring. We checked the flat, no penetration, and then again.

In the early morning, he took me to a medical procedure.

He was waiting in the car outside of building.

I called him when I was done to say I'll be there in a minute.

I even saw him through the glass window at the reception.

But someone else picked up my call.

I understood the point well.

It was kind of threatening.

The funny thing was, I could not talk normally.

So when I was saying super few words like from a movie, I could not damn talk well. How was this funny? A lot. I wished to say what I replied to that person, but it is better to stay calm about that.

The cell phone of my partner was investigated by the internal procedure because of this issue. Both cellphones were penetrated.

They offered him protection, but for me ?:-))) Joke. Crazy redhead needs to protect herself.

Of course. Maybe his government wishes to destroy me, but never protect.

I am the red damn good disaster.

Well, it was only me of who´s number was transferred to someone else. It was just me, who was the direct target in this little game. There was a bigger thing behind it, but I will not say it.

From my perspective, there is a good chance my dead brother warned me about this issue. No matter how it sounds. I could not expect anything in such a way cause I have never faced it before, and never with my German Shepherd in such a way, before or later.

I think he is my shining star above me.

My love.

Thank you.

Now, I have to express my honour to the second German Shepherd. I wish to talk about them with their real names, but I feel I have to protect my brothers and sisters in every way.

I was living in the capital city of a European state when my mother called me from a different city and she said Your brother, she meant German Shepherd, is looking for you, probably. He is not doing well today. That day, a vet was seeing him.

I came there soon.

He became very physically weak. Hard to walk. I was super stupid. I tried to force him to walk outside, but soon I understood I was a real idiot.

He was lying between my legs, and I was touching his beautiful face, and I was talking to him about our common stories in the past.

Within several hours, when I was lying down with him. I saw several white worms going through his hair

I said, damn, what is this.

When I moved with him to the garage, another worm, then I stopped being patient about that.

I said this is not normal.

Then I opened up his hair to see skin on his body in many places.

Believe it or not, I saw worms around almost all his body. He was standing at that moment.

I was kind of massaging his body with both hands to shake off worms and got them away from the skin of my brother. How I shook it, worms were everywhere, spreading in all directions.

I called the vet for my dog; at that time, I was just a twenty-something-year-old. The vet was on emergency service call for the weekend for the whole district.

I told him it is bad. He said he has a program in a restaurant. I heard it. No will to come.

Really good vet.

I went back to my boy.

I was with him alone, and I killed every worm individually, like you have to squeeze them to be sure they are dead.

I called another vet, and I was told the worms are not bad; they are eating bad meat.

I could not believe it or They wanted me to kill my boy to release his pain.

I woke up my mother, but she was not very willing to come.

But she did.

We cut all the hair on my boy, and then we found a hole behind his neck. It was around 4 cm wide from which worms were spreading outside of his body.

I was giving him a ham, he was lying down, and he was fighting a lot for his life. When he was looking at my eyes, and he tried to eat meat from my hand, I just saw the worms spreading from the hole.

He was still alive. The picture of this scene I will never forget.

No vet wanted to come. In the morning, I called again. I know my boy was incredible suffering. What the hell is it when hundreds of worms go from inside his body through the hole behind his neck out? What the hell is that?

The stupid vet came several hours later.

Everyone disappeared. I stayed alone as usually with my animal brother.

I was so angry. Really angry. But how I was with my boy, I know I have to be calm for him.

The vet prepared the injection and was coming to the garage.

My friend looked at my eyes like he really asked me sif it is okay to let him come? I am not kidding. He asked me with his eyes if he is safe. And I said to him, It is okay, boy, it is okay.

My boy let him to come and get the injection.

He passed away. I close the garage. I took him between my legs again and touched him. Almost No light. I have never had one tear through these days, but when he passed away. I was touching him, being on the dirty ground with him, my tears were streaming as a river for his pain, what he had to go through.

But no matter of that pain, Before he tried to eat and look into my eyes.

Although I was almost the whole time alone with him in this situation.

Very bad, stupid father didn´t let me bury him.
Such weak men I had to face all my life. Everyone left, and then he just punished me in the worst way for my shit inner power to not leave my brother in any kind of way.

That disease was diagnosed as rare heart worm disease transmitted by insects. I was not diagnosed by a really stupid vet, but by someone smart who worked in a local station of the public health service.

I have a deep memory of what my brother went through. I wish to hug him again to release his all his pain for all times.

Sometimes I have something in common with my friends in real, similar stuff.

I really wish I could meet my friend again.

I just need to be with my friends and my family, my tribe. I have found deep peace among them, but they are suffering.

I didn't mention all my friends and stories with them.

Sorry, my sweethearts. I didn´t forget you, and I will not.

I should say why I do not share here any videos or photos of my animal brothers and tribe although I have it.

Maybe then, my stories would be more real for others, but there is one thing.

I protect my brothers and sisters.

I can only public them if it is good for them, not for me.

As I am hided among my buddies,

I am born to protect them, so hard.

The same works for their names. Zero willingness to share it.

No-one can go among me and my cats, and my friends.

What I should say more about my tribe.

We have become one heart, one soul, one tribe and one pain.

Something of them is deeply beating through my whole being.

I have found my peace with them.

Someone has come for me to be on my side.

Someone who knows me for long, my soul, my wounds, and my journey.

Someone who has love for me, pure one in very wild deep cover.

Someone who leads me to go back on my track and to my home,

but someone who has not come without

another deep reason.

It is journey of service.

Someone who calls me to follow.

And be followed.

Follow us our girl.

We accompany you to your highest mission.

Maybe it is our mission, too.

And take care of us.

We need your Love.

We need You.

Journey of service.

This is something what is beating inside of me.

But I know I still call my pack.

I call my pack but it is heared?

Maybe but maybe not yet.

It is all just illusion in my head?

After all experience I can not say that.

I just can not say that.

And It all will be enough?

No, someone still has to come, and I still have to pass some points.

But I would say I have met real power of nature in a deep way.

But no-one will make my steps instead of me.

It is my journey and it is up to me how I will wear it.

It is just up to me to be the best and be able to go back on my track.

So my dear natural brothers and sisters, my tribe, the whole nature,

I really thank you.

Thank you you are there for me and I am here for you, too.

I love you from my deep heart.

I will love you until my death.

And After my death I will love you more.

What I should say by the end of this episode.

I didn´t think up anything but it is just my perspective.

I wish that every animal and plant has everything what is needed for a good life.

It doesn´t mean I do not love humans.

It means humans should start to care about others and the whole Nature.

Because we are here together.

Let´s see what will be in the next episode.

Thank you for your Time, and your attention.

Take care and make yourself save.

With Love,

Fox.